You Never Have to Get Over It …

Thank You Thursdays Column PicThis Thursday, I want to focus on something that isn’t typically what people would think of as something to be grateful for–grief, sadness, depression, and not being “over it.”

Has this ever happened to you? You are depressed, have suffered an injustice ,or perhaps you were grieving. People are concerned. Friends are worried. A well-meaning person decides to dole out some tough love. You hear the words:

Get over it.

There are other aliases such as move on or just let it go. I love the just. It might be prefaced with, I know you’re hurting, but you have to…

Get over it.

Have you even said it to yourself?

No doubt this phrase-saying is designed to help you. No doubt the utterer may even care about you and may want you to be happy (or sometimes to be honest, just does not want to be bothered by somebody’s sadness, because he doesn’t know how to deal).

But when the words are uttered, the result is rarely comforting.

Listen to the thoughts you have in that split second BEFORE you tell yourself you should be open-minded or you should stop being so sensitive.

Don’t bury that voice under a pile of shoulds…

I’ve spoken to people and asked them what they feel when they are told, or tell themselves, to get over it.

One friend said, she feels like the person doesn’t care.

Another told me that she feels guilty that she bothered someone.

A guy friend said, he gets pissed, because it’s not like he’s sitting around trying not to get over it.

One friend insisted that it doesn’t matter how he felt. People should stop wallowing in their misery and getting “over it” is the right idea.

Despite varying opinions, no one has ever told me that they felt better after being told to get over it. No one has ever said that they stopped feeling whatever feeling they were having.

In short, rarely has anyone gotten “over it” just because someone uttered a phrase to do so.

Imagine the same situation, but instead …

Imagine the same situation, but instead of being told to get over it, someone told you, you’ll get through it. Do you find the words comforting? Does it bother you less?

It is because this statement is more true than the other. You have your own truth meter. You know what is right, and you are telling yourself so.

You tell yourself important things like this every day. The feelings that happen before the shoulds take over, are you talking to you.

We’ll learn to interpret those messages in greater detail soon. But more immediately, that negative feeling is telling you something simple. That it is not true.

You never have to get over anything. Period. Simply know that you will get through it.

Not because you have to, but because it is the natural course of things. Ask for help from people who have more to say if necessary, but FIRST take some time to just exist where you are. Have gratitude for all of your pain, sadness, anxiety, anger, depression and rage. It is you telling you something that you may have accidentally ignored. Listen closely. Your humanity is talking to you, and it is telling you YOU are ALIVE.

Take a second right now to thank you for being you. And mean ALL of you.